The somewhat reassuring aspect here is that you’re not alone. Due to the national lockdown, many couples are now considered long distance.  London – Birmingham – Manchester – Liverpool. Cities in the UK, that between them would sometimes take only an hour or two to reach and now any plans for meeting have been put on hold.

With that being said, I would treat this as you would if you were both in the same place experiencing lockdown together. Any long distance relationship should be met with open and honest communication. In this case, when you are both searching for a spouse – it means being transparent about your goals, your ideal timelines in regards to meeting each other, meeting families, engagement (if you wish to have a period of engagement) and marriage. 

With that, the first and most important thing, would be to set an ideal time that you could both meet. Provided borders and lockdown is eased. With that date in mind (knowing this date may need to be amended due to the pandemic), you can both work towards that date with some mutual commitments when it comes to communication. Commit to the number of times per week you’ll FaceTime/call. You don’t need to spend every call asking questions – treat them as you would any other ‘halal date’. Watch a movie at the same time on zoom, cook something together or watch an Islamic lecture together.  

If you treat each call as an interview – you’re both potentially going to run out of steam. I truly believe some conversations are better left for a real date.

Ultimately, during this period, you may well find your conversations already point to an answer for you, without either of you having to meet. If major red flags crop up before your date – you may decide to go your separate ways – and that’s ok. That’s exactly what the ‘getting to know you’ stage is for and it doesn’t always require a face to face date, for you to come to this decision.

Zahra 

xo

As for moving conversations off an app. 

In my experience, be wary of moving off the app too soon. There are apps that allow messages to disappear within seconds after they are read.  So for halal dating purposes – I really wouldn’t recommend moving your conversation to one of these . In fact, I always recommend to use the apps themselves to get to know each other. Some apps now have voice notes/calling or even video calling embedded into the apps themselves – with so many features –  there is very little reason to move off them. So if any man asks you for your number early on, I’d recommend you ask that you continue your conversation for the time being on the app, as its a little safer while you get to know someone that is essentially a stranger. If he has a problem with it – that says a lot about his character and intentions – *red flag alert*.

As for the nature of your conversations – go at your own pace. Whilst every conversation isn’t a business meeting (it can feel like an interview with all the questions sometimes, right?!) – there is no harm in speaking to each other in a friendly but halal manner. Just ensure that you  both respect each others boundaries and if you prefer to have a wali involved from the very beginning – don’t be afraid to ask for this. 

All my duas, 

Zahra 

xo

Right now, it sounds like this man has found a great way to pass his time and while doing so, is keeping you at an arms length, so things don’t get too serious. Now I’m assuming this isn’t a long distance situation. Regardless, know that If a man is serious about you, then he’ll carve out some time to see you (even if Its a few weeks etc down the line due to a busy schedule).

So at this point, If this were me, I’d be quite clear about what I’m looking for and ask how he feels/whether he is looking for the same thing. If he doesn’t give you a clear answer and still leaves you hanging – I think you have your answer. 

All my duas,

Zahra

xo