Dear Zahra
I am so confused with my situation and I’m so glad to have stumbled on your page. I met a guy through one of these rishta match pages and we have been speaking since around march. We met twice, once with our siblings with us and once alone but then due to lockdown, there was a massive delay in getting our families together to meet, however we kept in touch even though sometimes, we did go days without talking at all. Now that lockdown has eased, he brought his family over to meet mine. I thought the meeting went well however after they left, we didn’t hear from his mum at all, which I found strange, as even if it’s a ‘no’ they would normally call and make some excuse.
What I found even stranger, was that the guy didn’t contact me either! Not even to say thanks for having us over etc. A few days passed and I messaged him & asked why he’s not said anything since, to which he replied, his family liked my family, but now they want to do istikhara and take it from there. But I’m confused as to why they didn’t say that to us without me having to ask? I then said I want complete honesty from them, and that his mum should have called my mum to say she wants time to do istikhara, instead of just leaving us hanging. He said I was right and that she should have called, and that she will but she wants to do istikhara first. It’s been just over a week and I’ve not heard from either him or his mum. I’m so lost and don’t know if I’m wasting my time, as they are being quite odd and quiet – or are people just weird like that? My mum thinks it’s a no and that I should start looking elsewhere again for another rishta. Any advice to clear my head would be great, thank you.
*Farrah
xo
Dear Farrah
Silence during this entire period, from either you or him, would never be a great start. If anything, during this time, when you’re getting to know each other, meeting each others siblings, friends or families – healthy, regular communication is essential! It’s only normal that with every date and every step of progress that one of you, if not both of you, will come away with either more questions or just wondering how he/she feels. So if he’s not communicating, I’m not surprised you feel as confused as you do.
Is his family legitimately asking for time to do istikhara? Well, technically they didn’t ask. Your families met and they said absolutely nothing for days until you reached out. Is that poor form? Yes. Is it rude? Yes. So put aside whether he likes you or whether his family does. Consider the behaviour so far. How do you feel about him and his family?
You’ve already reached out to him and it’s again been days since you’ve heard anything. At this point, you may want to stop reaching out for more explanations. If you don’t hear anything from him or his family, you have your answer.
I know how gutting this can feel but remember your worth, if he didn’t see it, it’s his loss!
All my duas,
Zahra
xo
*Name changed for anonymity
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