Halal Dating Guide - Adventures of Halal Dating

March 15, 2021

Longdistance in Lockdown

Dear Zahra

I am speaking to someone online who lives in Australia. I live in Canada. However his border won’t open for another few months. I can’t even consider him until I meet him, so how long am I supposed to drag on this “getting to know you” phase? And how do we pace ourselves so it doesn’t get awkward waiting around for the borders to open?

Salaams,

Selena

*Name changed for anonymity

Dear Selena

Firstly, it’s great to see that you’re giving your search for a partner a chance in the midst of what has been a crazy 12 months.

I think it’s important to first consider the fact that long-distance relationships in general often take much more work than your usual relationship. With distance comes time. The time apart could create feelings of being disconnected and out of sync. So when you factor in that you’re attempting to get to know someone without any (as of yet) real life interaction – the added bonus of a global pandemic sure doesn’t help.

The somewhat reassuring aspect here is that you’re not alone. Due to the national lockdown, many couples are now considered long distance. London – Birmingham – Manchester – Liverpool. Cities in the UK, that between them would sometimes take only an hour or two to reach and now any plans for meeting have been put on hold.

With that being said, I would treat this as you would if you were both in the same place experiencing lockdown together. Any long distance relationship should be met with open and honest communication. In this case, when you are both searching for a spouse – it means being transparent about your goals, your ideal timelines in regards to meeting each other, meeting families, engagement (if you wish to have a period of engagement) and marriage.

With that, the first and most important thing, would be to set an ideal time that you could both meet. Provided borders and lockdown is eased. With that date in mind (knowing this date may need to be amended due to the pandemic), you can both work towards that date with some mutual commitments when it comes to communication. Commit to the number of times per week you’ll FaceTime/call. You don’t need to spend every call asking questions – treat them as you would any other ‘halal date’. Watch a movie at the same time on zoom, cook something together or watch an Islamic lecture together.

If you treat each call as an interview – you’re both potentially going to run out of steam. I truly believe some conversations are better left for a real date.

Ultimately, during this period, you may well find your conversations already point to an answer for you, without either of you having to meet. If major red flags crop up before your date – you may decide to go your separate ways – and that’s ok. That’s exactly what the ‘getting to know you’ stage is for and it doesn’t always require a face to face date, for you to come to this decision.

Zahra

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed relationship expert/coach. Advice and responses are solely based off my own experiences and opinions. Please use your own judgement and seek professional help where needed.

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Your Halal Dating Questions

January 18, 2021

Do I move off the app whenever he asks?

Dear Zahra

Assslaamu alaikum, Zahra

Loving these blog posts. By chance (cookies, anyone?), came across your IG page and was like yasss, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for but I didn’t know it.

So, my question. I have come to accept guys will talk to multiple girls at the same time. Even the practicing fellas in my life have said they will do the same when their time comes because it is more efficient time wise. So I then tried the whole multiple people thing (admittedly, not for long) and my heart couldn’t keep up.

I don’t have the emotional capacity to be sincere with multiple people at the same time. Don’t know how guys do it but I have accepted my nature and decided to continue one guy at a time even if that does slow me down.

Right, my question. So, after stuff went well on Muzmatch, one guy said he wanted to get to know me better so asked if we could exchange Snap details. I was reluctant. Snap seems so informal to me. I only keep close friends on there but I figured he thought exchanging numbers was too much so I went ahead (with my Mum’s permission ;P). Any who, with a drop of a hat, he was so informal. He was very sincere, you could say; fast to message, calling me sweetie but I felt like it was too informal too soon. Things ended a few days in and I realised I loved his character but I would have liked someone that revealed all that slower, I guess. Am I too formal for Halal Dating? Is me requesting we move to WhatsApp a big deal, instead of Snap?

Should I be looking at this as if I’m actually in a relationship with a guy and making more conscious effort to let my fun, less guarded side show? I’m caught between knowing how formal/revealing of my character to be.

I’m hoping more time on the app will teach me via experience but sometimes I shudder at the thought of pushing away a good prospect because I haven’t understood how to navigate this field yet. I’m trying to not let this hold me back and telling myself, if someone is good for me, then it’ll just work iA. I’m just exhausted so taking a break from the scene but also so excited I found your page and want to ask straight away.

Bless you, sis x

Faiza

*Name changed for anonymity

Dear Faiza

So let me start by saying – I’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying the blog – thank you for reading!

As your questions demonstrate – halal dating, whether it be via apps or muslim marriage sites (or whatever method you use to find a partner) isn’t at all easy.

Yes, people do tend to ‘multi-date’ and if you’ve read my blog posts, you’ll know I’m not a fan. In fact I think it often leads people to believe there’s always a ‘better’ option out there. True connections, are built over time. So if you’re constantly chasing the next best thing (which is exactly what happens when you Multidate) – you end up in this never ending cycle of searching, giving only 10% of your energy and heart to someone and swiping again & again. So as a result, people may lose someone that could have otherwise been ‘the one’.

As for moving conversations off an app.

In my experience, be wary of moving off the app too soon. There are apps that allow messages to disappear within seconds after they are read. So for halal dating purposes – I really wouldn’t recommend moving your conversation to one of these . In fact, I always recommend to use the apps themselves to get to know each other. Some apps now have voice notes/calling or even video calling embedded into the apps themselves – with so many features – there is very little reason to move off them. So if any man asks you for your number early on, I’d recommend you ask that you continue your conversation for the time being on the app, as its a little safer while you get to know someone that is essentially a stranger. If he has a problem with it – that says a lot about his character and intentions – *red flag alert*.

As for the nature of your conversations – go at your own pace. Whilst every conversation isn’t a business meeting (it can feel like an interview with all the questions sometimes, right?!) – there is no harm in speaking to each other in a friendly but halal manner. Just ensure that you both respect each others boundaries and if you prefer to have a wali involved from the very beginning – don’t be afraid to ask for this.

All my duas,

Zahra

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Your Halal Dating Questions

December 13, 2020

I Feel Like It Isn’t Going Anywhere

Dear Zahra

I’ve been talking to this guy who I met online and he seems like a really lovely guy, but the only issue is that I don’t feel like it’s going anywhere nor do I know his intentions. We’ve been texting for 2 months, we’ve only spoken on the phone once at the beginning and he’s never asked to meet me (he once joked about meeting at the start). When I said that I feel like he wasn’t interested in me, he questioned me and said it’s because he’s been really busy with a new job and gym taking up most much of his time. He said he’ll make more effort but never actually gave me reassurance and then carried on like nothing happened. I don’t want to end things with him but I do feel like he’s wasting my time and also making me feel needy when I try and progress things further. What should I say to him and do in this situation?

*Rima

*Name changed for anonymity

Dear Rima

I know it might feel like there is so much worth pursuing here but you’ve highlighted a lot of red flags. The biggest for me, being that you’re already at the point where you’re beginning to feel needy and that’s never a good thing.

It’s been 2 months and he’s not seriously suggested meeting up – I’d be question whether he actually has any intention of progressing this situation.

Right now, it sounds like this man has found a great way to pass his time and while doing so, is keeping you at an arms length, so things don’t get too serious. Now I’m assuming this isn’t a long distance situation. Regardless, know that If a man is serious about you, then he’ll carve out some time to see you (even if Its a few weeks etc down the line due to a busy schedule).

So at this point, If this were me, I’d be quite clear about what I’m looking for and ask how he feels/whether he is looking for the same thing. If he doesn’t give you a clear answer and still leaves you hanging – I think you have your answer.

All my duas,

Zahra

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Success Stories

November 22, 2020

Serena & Faiz

What a crazy year it’s been. With all that’s happening in the world, finding a partner can feel like a hopeless exercise and one that’s been pushed to the bottom of your to-do list.

So when this story was sent in, I had to share it! What better way to remind us of all the hope and magic that still exists in the world. So here to tell us about her own journey to finding Mr Right – this is how Serena met Faiz.

How long had you been searching for a partner?

I was searching on and off for about 4 years

How did you go about your search?

A mixture of sources, with family it was word of mouth etc. and on my own it was searching online – primarily using Muzmatch.

At any point did you feel like giving up? What kept you going?

Yes I did, so that’s why it was on and off. There is this underlying pressure from different avenues, not in an outright way, and a lot of it comes internally I found. I would give it a while in between talking to people; and I don’t think I can pinpoint what made me continue. Sometimes it was friends, sometimes boredom or curiosity. I also felt like it was the only way to meet people without sitting on my laurels, so I kept returning to the app.

What was the hardest part of your search for a partner?

The set backs in between. Getting to know people over and over. And everytime a potential didn’t work out, it just made it harder to keep trying.

At what point did you realise you may have found ‘the one’?

There was no one moment but it was a gradual feeling. It started when I got my best friends to meet him; we were both so nervous and it was just a casual dinner. My parents knew too. I was then staying over with these friends and we had a ‘debrief’ and they had nothing negative to say. I was shocked, but more importantly it allowed me to relax and trust my judgement. That was the beginning of knowing, or rather the beginning of all the meetings. He then met my parents, and subsequently met each other’s families. He continued to meet my friends too. I prayed istikhara every now and then (as in my head I didn’t anticipate him being ‘the one’) and things naturally continued.

If you used an app or searched online, how did your respective families feel about it?

I was very open with my parents; they knew from the first time I met someone and just urged me to be cautious. I always told a friend/family if I was going to get a coffee with someone, so I always felt safe.

How did it progress from talking via an app to getting married?

We spoke v.little on the app, by this point you develop a routine and skip all the texting and head straight for a phone call. I then wanted to meet fairly soon in person but I happened to be going on a three week holiday abroad. We spoke for the first time a few days before I flew; and we spoke everyday since (including at the airport!) We meet a few days after I got back and I was still so jet-lagged that I was falling asleep over my dessert. We had already planned to meet on the weekend too and I was awake this time! We didn’t live in the same city so we would take it in turns to take day trips, meeting friends and family every other meet up. About 3 months in he met my parents, by 5 both families had met, and by 6 months he had proposed and we got engaged. We then got married 7 months after that, so all in all I knew him for 13 months, but it felt like I’d known him for much longer. I think everyone else saw how much he respected me and thought highly of me, and that helped me to see it too.

Finally, what’s one piece of advice you’d give to other muslim singles?

Take your time. Don’t rush things or put timelimes on it. We’ve all heard it and we say it to ourselves too, what is meant to be is already written for you. There was a stage where the constant on/off use of the apps, worrying and wanting to give up was affecting me. So I took a break and did what I wanted. Don’t let other people make you feel small or bad for not having met someone. It’s better to find the right one later than marry the wrong one. And it did happen when I least expected it… (I’d actually swiped no at first but went back! Don’t worry, he knows!) For him it was the opposite; I was the first person he met! Lucky eh? Alhamdulilah.

Halal Dating Guide

October 23, 2020

Writing a Great Dating Profile

What’s the key to writing a great dating profile? How do you stand out from the hundreds and thousands of profiles that someones swiping through? More importantly, how do you capture someones attention in the 3 seconds it takes for them to swipe left or right?

Halal dating can be a strange, frustrating and exhausting experience. There are so many variables, so many questions and so many moments of miscommunication, misinterpretation and misrepresentation – really makes a girl feel like getting that cat is a great alternative to a partner!

I’m calling it. Halal dating has more complexities and confusion than your regular Joe has to deal with when he’s swiping through tinder…and it’s exhausting. The multiple questions running through your minds as you both ‘talk’. Is Amir on the same wavelength? Can you send that emoji? Is that meme inappropriate? Do they drink? Did I offend them by saying hi instead of Salaam? I rolled my sleeves up, is that too haram for him? Is my hijab too halal for him? Will his family agree to this? Does he want to get married in 3 months? Do I need to live with his family? Is our halal haraam ratio compatible? Does he put pineapple on his pizza?

…. I could keep going. So if you’re reading this and nodding along, go ahead and pat yourself on the back. Because If you’re still putting yourself out there, and remaining hopeful admist this circus of confusion – you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for!

So, whether you’re about to take your first steps into the online/app dating world or you’re on app number 3 and could really do with some pointers – here are 5 tips for writing a great dating profile!

1. A great photo

I cannot stress this enough. A photo will be the first thing someone sees on your profile. Whilst we all know (or at least, I hope we know!), that character is paramount, some level of initial attraction is not only necessary but it is also often what determines whether you swipe left or right. Does that mean you have to be the most attractive woman on earth? No. In fact, this has nothing to do with what you look like and everything to do with the quality and composition of your images. That means take good quality photos, don’t use filters that give you bug eyes, or have daisies floating round the screen and choose photos that really showcase your personality/character or hobbies!

Love to play the piano? Love cycling? Our hobbies and interests are all part of who we are and a photo will showcase this so much more than words on a page ever will.

2. Stop telling people who you are

…show them.

Let me demonstrate. ‘Hi, I’m Zahra. I’m an outgoing, family oriented person. I’m quite adventurous and my friends would say I’m quite fun to spend time with. I also love to travel’.

How’s that? Personally, unless he’s after vanilla, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ahmed91 swiped left on that. Binge watching Netflix sounds more interesting that starting a conversation with me. I’m doing a great job of writing a CV that lists my personality like they’re qualifications. But like any great interview, what gets you the job isn’t the list, it’s how you demonstrate the very things you claim to have in abundance. So how can I demonstrate all these character traits through words on a screen?

Let’s try again.

‘Hi, I’m Zahra. Yep, that’s me at the top of Ben Nevis looking like I’m ready to pass out. Not quite completed the 4 peaks challenge but I’m on my way.

So other than my obsession with hiking. On the weekends, you’ll find me taking my niece out for our regular hunt for the worlds best gelato – not sure anything can beat the gelato in Rome, but a girl can dream!’

See what I did there? If I can say so myself, I’d like to take Zahra out for some gelato, I know just the place 😉

3. Don't write about what you don't want in a partner

Don’ts and No’s on a profile tend to fill you with a sense of negativity as you read through a bio. So whilst most people have some kind of a deal breaker, it’s always best that you leave that for your conversations.

So avoid writing statements such as:

‘No time wasters’

“No stuck up people please’

“If you think travelling to Dubai makes you cultured, swipe left’

‘If you don’t reply to messages fast enough, press the x button’

These statements are not going to suddenly help you weed out all the time wasters or slow texters. The only thing they will do, is serve as a red flag for anyone reading your profile. You may have a heart of gold, but writing what you’re trying to avoid means you risk coming across as being arrogant or conceited. Remember, the person reading your profile doesn’t know you or your heart. So first impressions from a profile are all they have right now.

4. Honesty is the best policy

Divorced? Widowed? Have kids? Drink? Smoke? Not practicing at all?

Life rarely ever goes to plan and you are human. You are complex and wonderful. You’re continuously learning. You have lived. You are on your own journey and no one but Allah (swt) has the right to judge you.

So, with that being said, do you really want to live your life with someone that would never accept you for who you are? And do you want to start a potential relationship with lies?

Being true to who you are and being honest about this from the beginning is so crucial. Just remember, the nitty gritty should always be left out of your profile and discussed in your conversations together. But, when it comes to the usual profile questions – be honest. Be you. And leave the rest to Allah (swt).

5. Live life to the fullest

Want to give life to your profile? Then go out and LIVE.

You should be living life to the fullest, first and foremost, for no one other than yourself! Having said that, your interests, passions and hobbies are often the conversation starters. They help you grow, learn and know more about yourself – who you are and what you want from life. So if you’ve been putting life on pause for far too long – it might just be time to live a little more boldly.

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Your Halal Dating Questions

October 2, 2020

Do I Need to Disclose My Past?

Dear Zahra

I have a really big issue. In my first year of uni I went a bit wild and did some things that I’m very ashamed of (drinking, doing things with boys). I have since completely turned my lifestyle around and I have made my peace with everything I’ve done through being a more devout muslim. But my question here is, do I have to disclose this information to potential partners? If so when? I have not started dating/looking yet but I think the ideal time is coming soon.

*Jasmine

Dear Jasmine

I’ll make it clear, first and foremost, that I’m not an Imam, Scholar or Islamic figure of any kind to give you islamic advise. That being said, from my own standpoint, and understanding, your past is yours. I do believe that if you have repented, then your sins are between you and Allah (swt). And no one has the right to ask you to share your past sins, or to divulge such significant personal information.

What you must remember, is that your journey to finding the one is rarely ever a smooth ride. You may well find that you speak to and get to know various ‘prospects’ and whilst I hope it does not happen for you, there is every possibility of broken engagements or just broken hearts down the road. So just from a general perspective, why share such information, with someone that is never guaranteed to be a permanent fixture in your life. And even if they do happen to become your husband, you have every right to some degree of privacy when it comes to your past.

I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found your way back to your faith Alhamdullilah. So, as you may start to consider stepping back into your search for a partner, don’t lose sight of the person you are now. Our past, our failures or mistakes, only serve to make us wiser and stronger and ultimately, if it has led you back to Islam, that should be what you focus on. Remember that.

All my duas,

Zahra

*Name changed for anonymity

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Halal Dating Guide

September 20, 2020

Halal Dating During Covid-19

What a year. Many single muslims may have started off 2020 with intentions of stepping up their search for a partner. Real intentions that fell apart, once we fell into a global pandemic. And I know for so many of you, the events of this year may have meant a complete stop in your search for a partner. As you battle the thousand and one hurdles that covid-19 has brought for many of us, marriage may not have felt like a priority.

Now, with lockdown and quarantine rules consistently changing – it’s hard to know just what you should be doing. So, should you just give up on your search altogether this year?

Your Search Isn't Doomed

Just because we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live a single life forever. Halal dating during Covid-19 is actually more feasible than you’re usual dating escapades. 2m distance, no hugs and no hand holding – sounds pretty halal to me!

Does it mean you may have to change the way you go about your search, absolutely, but if you’re already keeping things halal, we’re not talking drastic changes here.

So, how can you search for a partner, progress towards marriage and still keep to local guidelines?

Meeting New People During Lockdown

Depending on where in the world you’re reading this, the lockdown and quarantine rules in your country will likely differ. At the time of writing, many countries are seeing the start of a second wave. This means tighter controls and quarantine measures may come into place again, so the very first thing you need to do – is keep up with local news updates.

If your country/area isn’t currently under strict quarantine and you’re able to still take part in classes or activities etc – great! At this point you’re not confined to strictly using an app to meet new people but don’t throw caution to the wind – wherever you’re going – wear a mask, practice good hand hygiene and keep your 2m distance from others.

Stuck in strict quarantine/lockdown – thanks to the many apps now available for halal dating, you can still meet new people from the safety of your own home. It’s not ideal for some, but it does mean you can keep up with your search. Just be sure to follow safety protocols with online dating (as always!).

Online Dating During Covid-19 - Now What?

Your conversations with a ‘potential’ via an app shouldn’t be any different right now but, you may find some people don’t quite hold the same opinion as you, when it comes to following guidelines. So if they suggest you meet in person (when you can’t do so safely) or that your families all meet during quarantine – alarm bells may start ringing.

If you’re taking serious precautions, following local guidelines and there are loved ones you need to keep safe – you may want to think twice about someone that says you’re being dramatic or worse, denies covid-19 exists.

On the other hand, if you’re both on the same page and conversations have been progressing, how can you move towards the next stage in your (halal) relationship, whilst keeping safe?

Video Call

Yes, it was always going to be the most obvious first choice but it’s the first choice for a reason! Video calls are a great first date, even outside of a global pandemic, since it can act as a ‘screener’ prior to an IRL date. It’s a helpful way to test initial chemistry and you’ll know almost immediately if you’re in a cat fish situation. If you’re communicating via an app, many have in-app video call features, which means you can see each other in real time without exchanging numbers and without potentially infecting each other!

Whilst your first few video calls can feel exciting as the conversation is flowing, as you get to know each other, treat each video call as you would any other date. Plan an activity. Whether it’s watching the same movie together, cooking together or testing each other at a quiz – an activity is a great way to keep your video calls fun and light, as you get to know each other.

Socially Distanced Dates

If where you are, you’re still able to go to a restaurant/coffee shop for a date – great! This will absolutely make your life easier but take precautions and always take your safety and those of your loved ones into consideration.

If you’re being particularly cautious or you’re in an area with stricter quarantine measures – what can you do?

Consider the following but again, always check to make sure these align with current quarantine guidelines in your area:

Do your grocery shopping at the same time – Ok, it doesn’t sound glamorous, I know, but a socially distanced grocery shop is a perfect quarantine date if you’re in the midst of a more significant lockdown. You’ll need to keep your 2m distance and wear a mask, but it’s a great way of safely seeing one another!
Go on a hike/walk – A great way to keep up with physical activity if you’re otherwise stuck indoors.
Picnic – Completely weather dependent but a great quarantine date If you each bring your own picnic blankets, your own food and stay 2m apart!
Drive thru coffee – Drive in your own respective cars through a drive thru, park up at a safe distance, windows down and enjoy your coffee together!

Meeting Families

So if you’re in the midst of a significant lockdown, your families may not be able to meet right now. It’s not ideal and it can absolutely feel like it’s pressing pause on all your efforts but remember, Allah (swt) is the best of planners.

If guidelines allow a small number of you to meet, you may find it easier introducing each other to siblings first. It’s a great way of initially introducing your families and if all goes well, you can consider having your parents meet, in a socially distanced setting.

If however, you’re in strict lockdown, patience is key here. You will eventually meet (if you both want to of course!), it’s simply a case of waiting. As frustrating as it can feel, try not to feel disheartened. Trust in Gods timing. If there’s a significant delay to your plans, you could consider introducing each other to family members over video call, until it’s safe to meet in person. Regardless, while you’re both in quarantine, remember communication between the two of you, whether its via text, phone or video call, is key!

Met and married during Covid-19? Share your story to be featured on the blog/instagram! Submit your story here.

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Your Halal Dating Questions

September 6, 2020

Radio Silence after our Families Meet

Dear Zahra

I am so confused with my situation and I’m so glad to have stumbled on your page. I met a guy through one of these rishta match pages and we have been speaking since around march. We met twice, once with our siblings with us and once alone but then due to lockdown, there was a massive delay in getting our families together to meet, however we kept in touch even though sometimes, we did go days without talking at all. Now that lockdown has eased, he brought his family over to meet mine. I thought the meeting went well however after they left, we didn’t hear from his mum at all, which I found strange, as even if it’s a ‘no’ they would normally call and make some excuse.

What I found even stranger, was that the guy didn’t contact me either! Not even to say thanks for having us over etc. A few days passed and I messaged him & asked why he’s not said anything since, to which he replied, his family liked my family, but now they want to do istikhara and take it from there. But I’m confused as to why they didn’t say that to us without me having to ask? I then said I want complete honesty from them, and that his mum should have called my mum to say she wants time to do istikhara, instead of just leaving us hanging. He said I was right and that she should have called, and that she will but she wants to do istikhara first. It’s been just over a week and I’ve not heard from either him or his mum. I’m so lost and don’t know if I’m wasting my time, as they are being quite odd and quiet – or are people just weird like that? My mum thinks it’s a no and that I should start looking elsewhere again for another rishta. Any advice to clear my head would be great, thank you.

*Farrah

Dear Farrah

Silence during this entire period, from either you or him, would never be a great start. If anything, during this time, when you’re getting to know each other, meeting each others siblings, friends or families – healthy, regular communication is essential! It’s only normal that with every date and every step of progress that one of you, if not both of you, will come away with either more questions or just wondering how he/she feels. So if he’s not communicating, I’m not surprised you feel as confused as you do.

Is his family legitimately asking for time to do istikhara? Well, technically they didn’t ask. Your families met and they said absolutely nothing for days until you reached out. Is that poor form? Yes. Is it rude? Yes. So put aside whether he likes you or whether his family does. Consider the behaviour so far. How do you feel about him and his family?

You’ve already reached out to him and it’s again been days since you’ve heard anything. At this point, you may want to stop reaching out for more explanations. If you don’t hear anything from him or his family, you have your answer.

I know how gutting this can feel but remember your worth, if he didn’t see it, it’s his loss!

All my duas,

Zahra

*Name changed for anonymity

By using the website or submitting any questions or stories to Adventures of Halal Dating, you are agreeing to our privacy policy, which can be found here.

If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

Halal Dating Guide

August 27, 2020

The Problem with Halal Dating Apps – Part II

Feeling deflated from the endless swiping? In part I of this piece, I discussed the unintended consequences of Halal dating apps. How the myriad of ‘options’ that are presented to you (thanks to the million+ users on an app), may not necessarily always be a good thing.

So, what’s the solution?

Realistic Expectations

So, let’s start with the obvious here. Whether you’re a single guy or girl, it’s inevitable that when looking for your spouse, you have some kind of a mental checklist running through your mind. Practicing? Educated? Tall? Good Job? Sense of humour? Whilst some ‘checklist’ items are absolutely ok, and we are reminded by our Prophet (saw) of the kind of qualities that we should look for in a partner – Remember, you’re looking for a spouse, in 2020, you’re not a character from Pride & Prejudice, magic carpets don’t exist and scrub that *insert celeb crush* from your wishlist. If I still have to remind you in 2020 I will – photoshop is everywhere and unless you’re living the highlife – the girl/guy next-door does not have that kind of access to the trainers, dieticans, estheticians and plastic surgeons, that these celebrities have!

So whilst it’s absolutely important that you are attracted to your spouse, consider what attraction means to you. And really consider the kind of qualities that are essential and what ‘nice to haves’ are not really going to have an impact on your life when you’re married and life throws its usual curve balls. He or she may not be able to make a perfectly round roti but if they’re respectful, emotionally mature and supportive, you’ll appreciate these qualities far more in 10 years time!

But what if there's a better option, 100 swipes down the line?

As discussed in part I of this piece, too many options can often stop us from ever making a firm decision. What if there’s someone better? Should you keep looking? Here in lies the problem. So that’s often when singles choose to multi-date.

Let me be very clear on my stance on ‘multi-dating’.

I hate it.

It’s one thing, talking to 4 or 5 people that you have matched with on an app and agreeing to meet them for the first time. I have no problem with this. It’s an entirely different thing however, continuing to halal-date/meet-up and essentially, pursue 4 or 5 people, simultaneously. This is, in my opinion, the reason as to why many singles are experiencing ghosting and as a result beginning to feel very jaded by the entire ‘dating game’. Muslim singles now are finding it incredibly difficult to build a real, meaningful connection with anyone, long enough, for it to progress to marriage. Remember, If you are constantly chasing the next best thing, there’s every possibility that your not seeing the absolute gem that is right in-front of you!

Take your time

The world isn’t ending. InshAllah you have many beautiful years ahead of you, so slow down and get to know one another. This doesn’t mean I’m recommending a long engagement but it does mean you don’t need to jump into marriage after knowing each other for 3 weeks. Equally, if you’re anxious about making the wrong choice, time is your friend here.

Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decisions you will make In your life. They say you don’t choose your family – that’s not quite true – you do choose your spouse, and the two of you are the foundation of any family you may opt to build. So take the time to know their character, their family, their friends and their temperament and do this without still swiping away on an app at the same time. Ultimately, focusing on getting to know just one ‘potential’, will allow you see past the surface level content that you swipe through on apps and social media.

Enjoy the process

I know. Sounds impossible. Who enjoys using halal dating apps?!?

You can.

I know it can absolutely feel like a long, frustrating, disheartening process. After 30minutes of swiping, you feel like everyones faces have slightly merged into one and you’re ready to throw your phone across the room. But there is always a silver lining. These apps do allow you to meet some wonderful people, people that may not necessarily stay in your life, but that can ultimately open your eyes to a world of new hobbies, interests or even broaden your perspective when It comes to current affairs, different cultures, traditions etc.

With all that being said, please be incredibly safe when you’re using any of these online halal dating/matrimonial websites or apps. Do not give your number out to people that you don’t know, instead use the features in these apps that allow you to communicate safely! Always report anyone that behaves suspiciously or crosses the line. And remember, you set the boundaries, it’s up to the other person to respect them.

As always, keep it halal my loves! =D

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If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

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