Do I Need to Disclose My Past?

Dear Zahra

I have a really big issue. In my first year of uni I went a bit wild and did some things that I’m very ashamed of (drinking, doing things with boys). I have since completely turned my lifestyle around and I have made my peace with everything I’ve done through being a more devout muslim. But my question here is, do I have to disclose this information to potential partners? If so when? I have not started dating/looking  yet but I think the ideal time is coming soon. 

*Jasmine

xo

Dear Jasmine

I’ll make it clear, first and foremost, that I’m not an Imam, Scholar or Islamic figure of any kind to give you islamic advise. That being said, from my own standpoint,  and understanding, your past is yours. I do believe that if you have repented, then your sins are between you and Allah (swt). And no one has the right to ask you to share your past sins, or to divulge such significant personal information. 

What you must remember, is that your journey to finding the one is rarely ever a smooth ride. You may well find that you speak to and get to know various ‘prospects’ and whilst I hope it does not happen for you, there is every possibility of broken engagements or just broken hearts down the road. So just from a general perspective, why share such information, with someone that is never guaranteed to be a permanent fixture in your life. And even if they do happen to become your husband, you have every right to some degree of privacy when it comes to your past. 

I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found your way back to your faith Alhamdullilah. So, as you may start to consider stepping back into your search for a partner, don’t lose sight of the person you are now. Our past, our failures or  mistakes, only serve to make us wiser and stronger and ultimately, if it has led you back to Islam, that should be what you focus on. Remember that. 


All my duas, 

Zahra 

xo

*Name changed for anonymity

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed relationship expert/coach. Advice and responses are solely based off my own experiences and opinions. Please use your own judgement and seek professional help where needed. 

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If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact  an imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

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