What If He Isn’t Calling?

Dear Zahra

I am 26 years old and looking to get married but it’s just not happening. I’m speaking to someone currently with the intention of marriage. How do I know if someone is actually serious?

We haven’t met up yet, he keeps saying ‘soon’? He also accidentally called me once and I made a joke about the call, his response was that it’s too early for that? We’ve been speaking for over a month.

I really want it to work out because he seems like a really nice guy. What do I do? I don’t want to be strung along and then find he isn’t interested. When we first started talking, I told him I wanted to get married, told him my times scales and he said he was on the same page?

*Halima

xo

He doesnt call

Dear Halima

Let’s start with the positives in your situation! You did a great job with setting your intentions with him early on in your conversations. If you’re intentions for marriage are serious, it is in my opinion incredibly important that you have this conversation early on, before you find out 8 weeks down the line, that he was only looking for a temporary fling!

Now despite you having done this, there is no guarantee that he’ll be upfront and honest about his intentions. I would absolutely have suggested you have that conversation face to face or at the very least over FaceTime/video call but I can see your dilemma. 

 

You say he’s a great guy and you really want it to work out but in the same message, you’ve highlighted some potential redflags here. So before I address these, a small reminder for you! You’re 26, you have you’re whole life ahead of you and many successes and accomplishments in your future inshAllah. Know your worth. That means that you hold a potential future husband to at least the same standards you live by. 

So when it’s been weeks and he hasn’t even picked up the phone to call you – if that were me – I would absolutely want to know why and I would be questioning his intentions here. It’s very easy to hide behind a profile that isn’t reflective of who you really are. So whilst there may be genuine reasons for why he’s unable to meet In person, I’d want to know what his reasons are for not picking up the phone? 

Again, it’s important that you decide where you draw the line. For how long are you really ok with being WhatsApp pals? 

At this point, especially since you’re (rightly so) beginning to question his intentions , I think it’s time to have a conversation with him about the lack of progress. If he’s serious about you and intent on marriage, progressing to phone calls/video calls (at the very least), should be a no brainer.

All my duas, 

Zahra

xo

*Name changed for anonymity

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed relationship expert/coach. Advice and responses are solely based off my own experiences and opinions. Please use your own judgement and seek professional help where needed. 

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If you are searching for Islamic guidance, this is not the place. Please contact  an Imam/ respected scholar etc who can can guide you appropriately inshAllah.

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